Dear CTA conductor,
You, the one who looked directly at me as I boarded the train, and told me to smile: I will smile when I damn well please and not on command.
Dear Lincoln Park drug stores,
Stay classy. Chicago never ceases to come up with brilliant ideas, including this:
Yep, that’s right–the local CVS has a booze section. Make that an extensive booze section. New England and its liquor stores can suck it.
Mostly wine and spirits. The bottles of hard liquor had locks/alarms on them because, ya know, CVS goods usually aren’t worth more than $10. Classy.
Dear guys in the truck,
How exactly did you imagine this scene would go down? I’m honestly curious.
On Friday evening, I was driving to meet a friend. Having jumped Spider-woman-style directly from the shower out of the window and into the car (as ya do), I realized this would be a putting-mascara-on-in-the-car trip. (For the record: yes, this is unsafe behavior and I indulge highly infrequently.) Un/fortunately, there are a couple of intersections within two blocks of my house at which the lights take forever to change. One of them will actually stay red for up to three and a half minutes (apparently the average wait time at a red is one minute…nobody informed my neighborhood).
While waiting at a long stop light and applying makeup, I heard a light but persistent car horn. “What is that?” I wondered, “The light is clearly still red.” The horn kept going. Turned out it was coming from the enormous truck next to me. I looked over to find two men–clearly just off work–leaning (head, shoulders, and arms) outta the front passenger window of their company truck, waving madly at me and grinning. Ummmm…really?
You think ima respond well to that? I already had a mascara wand next to my eye and was watching both the traffic light and my own rear-view mirror. You think that was a good time to demand my attention? Please.
The start of another classy night in Chi-town.
Thank you for your genius. Talk to y’all later–I’m moving to DC stat.
P.S. Alternately, maybe I’ll just bake rainbow cupcakes with le brother, because that doesn’t involve leaving my kitchen.